Within the last year, I’ve tried to go through every nook and cranny of my memory in order to figure out what I consider to be my personal Top 50 Games of All-Time. As I started to put the games in order, I noticed that nostalgia played a heavy part in my placement. Games that I haven’t played in almost fifteen years were getting put into my top ten without much hesitation. The positive memories I have with these games come from a time when gaming was a more substantial part of my life. Where, now, I try to squeeze in about an hour a night on my good days. Way back then, I found the time to play for five to ten hours a day. That’s a full time job’s worth of hours just in gaming alone! Those were simpler times.
Thinking about my gaming from the past led me down a path of wondering more about gaming nostalgia. More specifically, I started to wonder if I would even remotely enjoy these games if I touched them now, or if the peaks and achievements of modern gaming have possibly tarnished my memory of the games I think so highly of. It’s become a fear of mine to think so fondly of something, and then realize that I can never get that same amount of joy from it ever again. Because of this fear, I find myself reluctant to go back to the games that I once loved. It would hurt too much to see a top fiver drop out of the top fifty just because I was dumb enough to boot my Playstation 2 back up. In my mind, these games are close to perfect and I just want them to stay that way!
I’ve slightly challenged this idea recently by playing the Kingdom Hearts remaster on Playstation 4. The fact that this was remastered for current gen alleviated a few of the concerns that I had going in, so it seemed like a good way to start. This keeps at bay, worries of graphics and controls for the most part, but I still had my reservations about how the game would connect with me. I remember an enthralling set of worlds and characters with an exciting gameplay system. Would these hold up after all these years? If I had to answer that question in a word, I’d say yes.
To a narcissist, the writing would be poor. Honestly, it’s pretty laughable at points, but to me it is filled with heart. That may come because of the bias I brought into it, but I was still charmed as hell through the whole journey. Sora’s determination combined with the bonds of friendship that they beat you over the head with, come together in a package that, if you don’t think too hard about it, just makes you feel good. I feel like I’m a fairly optimistic person, but maybe that’s still one thing that I had in my youth that I don’t always carry with me as much now. The ability to grasp onto the pieces of the whole that make you feel good rather than letting the bad weigh you down. That’s super cheesy, but hey, as a kid, it’s the cheesy stuff that felt real. If I played it for the first time today, it might seem silly, but because of that nostalgia bug in the back of my head, I was transferred back to the childlike state which I originally experienced it in.
My enjoyment of Kingdom Hearts has definitely made me feel a little better about revisiting past games, but I still definitely have my worries. There’s a multitude of factors that I lean to when I think of the reasons that accompany my irrational reservations. Gaming in the modern era feels like getting a bunch of different takes on the same three or four styles of games. Platformers are metroidvanias. Shooters are either battle royales or destiny inspired MMO-lites. Single player adventures are open world games.
OPEN WORLDS
Open world games today are as expansive as possible and packed with details and side quests so that hours upon hours can be spent in a game without any actual progression through the story. This is now the norm, and I expect deep, open worlds surrounding the main narrative of every game. Not too long ago, I felt like it was a treat to be able to spend hours fooling around with the townsfolk and helping them with their menial tasks. It made me feel like I was truly part of the world. Back then, though, I expected way less. Now, I get annoyed when I see a door that I can’t open, because every door should lead to somewhere right? Well I used to be able to open one out of every five doors and I thought I was in the most intuitive world there's ever been.
When I think of my favorite open world games of all time, I still think of Fable 2, Fallout 3, Final Fantasy X, and the aforementioned Kingdom Hearts. I remember all the things that I would do outside of the main campaign and feel like I could play these games forever without ever finishing them, without ever losing enjoyment of them. I got married and bought a house in Fable. I would spend my time in town, buying clothes and getting haircuts, and hunting monsters for bounties. This was the peak. When I think about returning to Albion, though, I think about games like Witcher 3 and Red Dead Redemption 2, and wonder whether there is any enjoyment left to be had in a game that I consider now a top twenty game of all time! The idea of depth that I got from being able to change my looks on a whim are overshadowed by an immense amount of versatile options in open world games today. It's what keeps me away now.
My enjoyment of replaying Kingdom Hearts has helped me to open up to the idea of delving back into these old worlds that I once got lost in. Maybe the memories of my past combined with the actions of my present will balance out to what is still an incredibly enjoyable experience. I’m still not all the way there yet. What if I jump back into Albion and find out that the deep world I think so fondly of, is actually a barren wasteland with a couple shops in town.
As much as I love these games, I can’t say that I’d be recommend them anymore to those out there that have never experienced them. Once someone feels what it’s like to live as an actual cowboy in an immaculately created wild wild west, I feel silly throwing up a game to rival it, where sometimes my dog finds a chest in the ground. Man, I get excited just thinking about that dog digging up buried treasure, but anymore, it may just not be enough.
GAMEPLAY
Do you remember the thrilling gameplay of Star Wars Battlefront and Spider-Man 2? Because when I think back on them, I remember some of the most fun gunplay and traversal I’ve ever experienced. Surely things that were at that high of a quality can carry over at least a fraction of the fun. I made the mistake of booting Battlefront up on Steam a couple years back, and wow, was that half hour enough to knock it out of my Top 50. I used to remember being alone in a one on thirty, and feeling like if I really locked in, then I can come out on top. Now all I feel is my gun never locking on correctly and dying on some BS.
I haven’t played Spider-Man 2 since it’s release, back when I was deep into the fun of the web slinging pizza delivery man. I’ve seen videos though, and what I picture in my head from that game looks very different from what I see now. What I see now looks rough as hell. When Marvel’s Spider-Man released, I figured they had a good template to go off of with this PS2 gem. After playing current Spider-man, I’m never going back. The feel that Insomniac gets in the swinging is definitely going to ruin any realism I thought I felt in my youth.
Gameplay has made a lot of strides in the past decade. Shooting nowadays feels so, so good. Platforming is precise and exciting. Fighting allows you to feel the weight of each punch. Not too long ago, I’d button mash my way to a victory in most games I’d play. I found myself overwhelmed by the loudness of my rapid tapping during combat in Kingdom Hearts, as I jammed the attack button repeatedly, but this was how combat used to be in video games. One button for light attack, one for heavy attack, and maybe a guard or dodge. There was never that feeling that you were actually under complete control of your hero like there is today.
Gameplay reliant games from my past have no reason to be touched anymore. I’ve already abolished some positive feelings I’ve had on games by playing them again recently. I think that these games are ones that I have to bite the bullet on and let the memories stay exactly that. Memories.
GRAPHICS
There’s a reason there has been a renaissance of 8-bit and 16-bit games in the last few years. They capture the nostalgia that we have inside all of us, while keeping the games beautiful. 2D platformers from thirty years ago still hold up today because the gameplay mechanics are still tight, and the looks are still astounding.
It’s when you start to think about the early 3D games that we used to play, where the graphics of the modern era really hurt the ability to go back. My personal prime example of this is Metal Gear Solid. This is my favorite of the series, and the one I want to revisit least. After we’ve been so spoiled with the beauty and realism that comes with current gen games, going back to the original playstation is tough. Snake’s face is a solid chunk of color with one line for a mouth and triangle for a nose. It’s hard to get around, even if the story is engaging and the gameplay is passable.
These games are playable and most likely still fairly enjoyable, and I think that I would be able to convince myself to pop back into one if I was ever truly wanting to put myself back into that world. It would have to be a top notch story or be dripping with charm in order for it to stick for very long though. It’s not a probability, but also not an impossibility.
I think nostalgia should be validated as a good reason to keep games high on a personal list of top games. I have decided that I will be ignoring any argument against a game, if the argument is that it doesn’t hold up to today’s standards. In completely hypocritical logic, though, I will accept that if a game still holds up today, it helps its case.
If you get good feelings thinking about a particular game then there still enjoyment to be had. Just hearing the old music is sometimes enough to trigger that nostalgia and wash away any mishaps on the horizon. When that feeling resurfaces in a positive way, it feels amazing to know that no matter when you come back, you’ll be coming back to a good time.
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